nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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