Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
