the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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