I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
