i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
