I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize