i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
