I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
