I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
