you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
