Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
