I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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