she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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