I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
