your parents love me but you hate me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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