"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
