We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
