just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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