is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
