Fuck appropriateness.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
