Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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