so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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