Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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