fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
