maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
