Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
