Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
