just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
