wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
