guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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