You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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