i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
