i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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