My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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