I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
