Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
