Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
