I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
