i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
