Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
