New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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