Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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