His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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