about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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