I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
