I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
