Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
