Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
