I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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