If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
