Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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