omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
