Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
