wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
