Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
