I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
