im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
