you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize