Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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