I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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