I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
