Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We are all done wearing pants today
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
