her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
