sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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