your parents love me but you hate me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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