would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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