This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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