before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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