remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
