O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
